What if we got report cards at work and they were sent home to your children?

While in the process of filing the kids’ report cards, I scanned a few of the remarks drafted by their teachers.  Written about my youngest son, “We really enjoy his humor.  It would be helpful if you might speak with him about when it’s not okay to be funny.”  This is the same child I envision being a future world leader, not living out of his car and doing stand-up routines in Biloxi.

Parents can be shattered when for the first time they learn that little Johnny or Sally is not the apple of everyone’s eye.  As a child, I hated report cards—it seemed to me like tattling.  I already knew if I had underperformed, and I did not need or want somebody telling me or my parents.

I am still that way.  Criticism stings, no matter what your age.  That is why when your significant other asks what you think of her new shoes, if you want to maintain the relationship, there is only one correct answer.  Asking how those black pumps differ from the other twenty pairs of black pumps would be a waste of oxygen.

What if we got report cards at work and they were sent home to your children?  What if someone watched our performance every day of the year, and four times a year that person issued a report card on our performance?  Not simply an annual review over lunch to get a nominal pay boost, but a real report card.

Report Card:

Analysis & Probability                                                    Approaching grade level

Understands how to solve problems                       At a fifth grade level

Works and plays well with others                             On par with Kim Il-sung

Communication skills                                                     He’s no Ronald Regan

Predicts likelihood of events                                        he will never be on the Psychic Hotline

Solves two-digit addition problems                          Proficient if supplied with a calculator

Identifies problems                                                         Usually right after they occur

Writes in complete sentences                                      Proficient with crayons

Just because nobody is issuing a written report card does not mean one is not being compiled.  The compilation occurs in the break room, over lunch, and at an informal office gathering.

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