‘Twas the night before Reform when all in the House
Were Tweeting and blogging and squawking like grouse.
Their bill filled with zeroes and commas and flair
In hopes that the Senate would soon be there.
The voters were restless, and in need of good care,
And they whined and they pleaded and they yelled ‘don’t you dare.’
“Don’t sidestep this issue, don’t do it for votes”
“Don’t kowtow to payers or we’ll be at your throats.”
With Pelosi and her Botox and while Reid took his nap
Didn’t care if the people put up with their (you rhyme it, I’m pretending to be neutral).
The docs sat on the sidelines, bemoaning their fate,
While payers dressed like succubi caroled “ain’t this great?”
On the lawn of the White House there arose such disdain,
As the public fought reform from ‘Frisco to Maine.
MSNBC, neigh now Comcast, buttressed their base,
And Fox, aka Rupert, said it was all a disgrace.
The words on the pages of the newly printed bill,
Hid nuance, erudition, obfuscation, and skill.
Do not read the details, adjectives and signs,
Do not worry how it impacts your bottom line.
We are here to pretend we did that of import,
To Hell with Medicare, Medicaid and the sort.
It’s voters we want, It’s our doxology, our mantra,
And this year silly people, this year WE are Santa.
On Boxer, on Biden on Fienstein they came,
And we chortled, berated, and chided by name.
“What about seniors, and sick people” we cried.
“What about uninsured, don’t you care if they died?”
“This is about people you meet on the street,
People who must choose between their meds and to eat.
It’s about Lipitor, Xanax, Prozac and Viagra,
It’s about doing what’s right, do what’s right or we’ll bag ‘ya.”
And then in a twinkling I heard in my head,
The gnawing and chiding of Congress, who said,
We cavorted and sucked up, the best we knew how,
We spent bucks, made payoffs, and said the time is now.
Festooned all in new regs from NHS to VA,
There were those who suggested, this is not going to play,
HITECH and ARRA are not making it fun,
RHIOs and RECs will soon come undone.
We’re paying the hospitals to do EHR,
We know it seems silly, like we lowered the bar.
If that doesn’t work we will tax them instead,
Make them spend gobs of money, make their budgets bleed red.
Spend it, refund it, and print new money now,
Buying Canada would be cheaper and easier but wow.
They want to sign something, sign it soon, sign it fast,
But don’t assume that they’ve read it from first page to last.
We could’a been more like France, like the Swiss or the British
Make us more European, make our rich people skittish.
The tall socialist exclaimed as the dems shifted right,
Will Obamacare fail, have I lost all my might?