If A Customer Falls In The Woods

So, I’m about to take the test to get my Oregon driver’s license. Unlike the other forty-nine states, the Oregon test gives the applicants a chance to earn bonus points or to lose points. If you have a tattoo, add one point to your score.  Body piercings are worth one point.  Green, blue, or purple hair is also worth one point.

If you voted for Trump, subtract five points. I was at negative five points before I answered the first test question. Knowing I had nothing to lose, I stood in the middle of the room and yelled, “Make driving great again!” Minus two more points.

A man who works at a manufacturing plant that makes items for hardware stores is suspected of stealing from his employer.  Because he is under suspicion, each night he when leaves the plant, the guards search him and the wheelbarrow he is pushing.  In the wheelbarrow is always his lunchbox, thermos, hardhat, safety glasses, and overalls.  They never discovered any stolen property.

It never occurred to the guards that the man was stealing wheelbarrows—sometimes the answer is too obvious.

Customer experience is a bear.  Sometimes you eat the bear.  Sometimes the bear eats you.  If Comcast’s or Verizon’s customer service people went on strike, would anybody notice?  Sort of like the question, if a tree fell in the woods, and nobody was there, would it make a sound.

The front-page banner on a recent issue of Men’s Health Magazine read, “Tons of useful stuff.”

In healthcare, none of the provider or payer websites or apps can even brag, “Here’s a half-dozen things that may be useful.”  To be even more accurate, the only four semi-useful things I’ve found on healthcare websites are:

  • Pay your bill
  • Find a doctor
  • Requestan appointment
  • Contact us

A pretty lackluster set of functionalities.

Your website may look pretty, but so does Monet’s painting Sunflowers.  The thing is, you can’t schedule an appointment with either of them, so pretty isn’t worth much.  If you’re confused, that’s okay, I’m not.

Patients and customers can find a cloud in each of what your health system believes are its silver linings.

 

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